“Tea” Stands For Trouble
There’s only three things that’s for sure/Taxes, death and trouble/This I know, baby...
- Marvin Gaye, from the theme to the motion picture Trouble Man, 1972
All the conservative teabaggers who suddenly found Fiscal Jesus on Wednesday after staying silent for eight years while a Republican president and Republican-led Congress turned the biggest surplus in American history into the biggest deficit in American history could do themselves a big favor by listening to Marvin. Marvin spoke the truth. Marvin spoke prophecy on his own life. You see, for all his artistic genius, Marvin had a bad habit of failing to pay his taxes, so in 1981, one of America’s greatest songwriters fled to Europe to escape his tax problems. Marvin Gaye learned the hard way that taxes are the membership dues we pay as American citizens. Membership has its privileges, so as you upgrade from Gold to Platinum Club status, expect to pay a little more in dues, because you’ve reaped more of the benefits of the relative peace, stability, safety, and opportunities afforded by living in this country.
Look, it’s not that I like paying taxes. Nobody likes paying taxes, because we feel that it’s hard-earned money out of our own pockets that could be better spent on candy, gum, DVDs, or booze. But, if you claim to want a strong military, secure borders, educated kids, bridges that don’t collapse underneath you in the middle of rush hour, reliable electricity, food that won’t kill/maim/ mutate your children, and a non-barter based economy subject to the whims of Master Blaster and Auntie Entity, then expect to put a little in the plate so we can all pool our resources to pay for it. Except for certain Oxycontin-addled blowhards and the Fox “News” talking heads who pushed the idea of Teabag Parties, most of us can’t afford to pay for that stuff a la carte!
Who Run Barter Town?
That’s it for now. Thanks for joining me for my first big week. See you next week with a new strip and a look at Cadillac Jones’ “The Big Takedown.”
- JEP
So what would Pastor do to those low-life tax dodging muthas?
Maybe get all Jules from Pulp Fiction on ‘em, spitting out Bible verses in measured, but increasingly menacing tones before delivering the pain. In this case, a bit of real Scripture, like Matthew 22:21 “Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s,” not something Tarantino borrowed from the opening scroll of Sony Chiba’s The Bodyguard.
As I watched the State House lawn fill with tea baggers, I couldn’t help but think someone blew a dog whistle that only grumpy white people could hear.
I realized after I wrote this post that Marvin Gaye died 25 years ago this month. Like his tax problems, trouble, from substance abuse, depression, the sudden death of his singing partner Tammi Terrell, and stormy romances, had plagued Gaye his entire adult life, so it was only appropriate that he met his demise under equally strange and troubled circumstances. On April 1, 1984, Marvin Gaye, Jr. was shot by his own father in his parent’s home.
In his lifetime, the song “Trouble Man” became a regular fixture in Marvin Gaye’s live performances, and it became an unofficial nickname for the singer, kind of like how the moniker “Material Girl” follows Madonna around to this day. I just wish it hadn’t been so appropriate.
Now go listen to some “Got To Give It Up” to cheer yourself up.