There’s only three things that’s for sure/Taxes, death and trouble/This I know, baby...
- Marvin Gaye, from the theme to the motion picture Trouble Man, 1972
All the conservative teabaggers who suddenly found Fiscal Jesus on Wednesday after staying silent for eight years while a Republican president and Republican-led Congress turned the biggest surplus in American history into the biggest deficit in American history could do themselves a big favor by listening to Marvin. Marvin spoke the truth. Marvin spoke prophecy on his own life. You see, for all his artistic genius, Marvin had a bad habit of failing to pay his taxes, so in 1981, one of America’s greatest songwriters fled to Europe to escape his tax problems. Marvin Gaye learned the hard way that taxes are the membership dues we pay as American citizens. Membership has its privileges, so as you upgrade from Gold to Platinum Club status, expect to pay a little more in dues, because you’ve reaped more of the benefits of the relative peace, stability, safety, and opportunities afforded by living in this country.
Look, it’s not that I like paying taxes. Nobody likes paying taxes, because we feel that it’s hard-earned money out of our own pockets that could be better spent on candy, gum, DVDs, or booze. But, if you claim to want a strong military, secure borders, educated kids, bridges that don’t collapse underneath you in the middle of rush hour, reliable electricity, food that won’t kill/maim/ mutate your children, and a non-barter based economy subject to the whims of Master Blaster and Auntie Entity, then expect to put a little in the plate so we can all pool our resources to pay for it. Except for certain Oxycontin-addled blowhards and the Fox “News” talking heads who pushed the idea of Teabag Parties, most of us can’t afford to pay for that stuff a la carte!
Who Run Barter Town?
That’s it for now. Thanks for joining me for my first big week. See you next week with a new strip and a look at Cadillac Jones’ “The Big Takedown.”
Ever since WORLD OF HURT claimed the title of “The Internet’s #1 Blaxploitation Webcomic!,” cats have been comin’ out the woodwork to steal back the spot.
Last week I warned you about Maurice Fontenot running Ghost Pimpover on the Act-I-Vate stroll. (WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT CLICKING LINKS?) Now this dude John Aston is also rising up out of South Carolina with an homage to the Pam Grier oevre called Rachel Rage. The site’s been active since last year, so it has a pretty deep archive. (SO HELP ME, IF YOU CLICK THAT LINK…). I’ve had discussions with both these guys, and we’ve decided to handle this like gentlemen…for now. However, if any one of y’all even consider going to those sites, leaving comments, or THINK about going here or here (DON’T ! I AIN’T PLAYIN’!) to buy their merchandise, this could explode into some vile gangsta shit, real quick!
Described by curator Pamela Thomas, aka “Sister Tofunky,” as “The planet’s first virtual museum dedicated to the celebration and preservation of the FUNK!,” The Museum of Uncut Funk has more galleries than the Smithsonian Institution. Before you click the link, get yourself a two-day pass and pack a lunch, ’cause you’ll definitely be there a while and you’ll STILL have to come back for more.
The Museum of Uncut Funk is split into approximately 7 different virtual “galleries.” The galleries spin off from the main collection. Each gallery focuses on a different aspect of 70’s Black pop culture, and most combine the blog format with permanent exhibits dedicated to that focus. My favorite gallery is sort of a hodge-podge, catch-all for Ms. Thomas, entitled “Can’t Get Enough…Of that Funky Stuff Blog,” however I also dug the “Jim Kelly Exhibit,” for its breezy, but informative, multi-media look at the man’s life and career . Each gallery boasts a wide array of funky memorabilia from Ms. Thomas’ personal collection, like Blaxploitation movie posters,Blaxploitation soundtrack album cover art, and Blaxploitation-themed comic books. One of the most interesting aspects of The Museum of Uncut Funk is that every exhibit contains at least one “Where The Hell Did She Get That?” entry. I thought I knew a little something about Blaxploitation culture, but Sister ToFunky humbles even the most jaded collector with unexpected treasures like the Egyptian poster for Sheba Baby or original production art from an aborted Hanna-Barbera cartoon called The Blackstones. (Think The Flintstones, but…y’know, Black.)
Along with the fun, Ms. Thomas’ site includes sobering glimpses of how Blacks were depicted before we had the means and opportunities to control our images with an exhibit showcasing pre-Civil Rights era crate labels that included stereotypical images of bug-eyed mammies and barefoot pickaninnies toting baskets full of yams. The Museum is also building exhibits dedicated to Blacks on stamps and currencies from around the world.
The only minor drawback to The Museum of Uncut Funk is that the main gallery pages are embedded with sound files that automatically load when you go to the page. The sound files are fantastic, tight cuts from groups like The Ohio Players and The Jimmy Castor Bunch, but if your computer loads slowly, it could be the equivalent of going to the museum and waiting in line behind an old lady with six screaming grandkids, trying to pay by check. You might be in line a while, but it’s definitely worth the wait.
Remember, Free Comic Book Day is tomorrow, Saturday, May 2, 2009!
Make sure you visit your local comic shoptomorrow…and each week after that. If you’re not fortunate enough to live in a town like I do that has at least four independently owned and operated comic book stores, or you don’t know where to find one in your town, check out www.comicshoplocator.com and just enter your zip code or call 1-888-COMIC-BOOK.
Today marks the release of the film, Star Trek, a reboot of the hoary, 43 year-old sci-fi franchise created by the late Gene Roddenberry. To commemorate the occasion, I bring you the whore-y YouTube mash-up, Trek Turner, featuring original Star Trek cast member Nichelle Nichols.
The role of Lt. Uhura, the regal communications officer of the USS Enterprise, defined Nichelle Nichols’ career, but she played completely against type as Dorinda, a vengeful, foul-mouthed madame in the 1974 Isaac Hayes Blaxploitation vehicle, Truck Turner (no pun intended). The venomous verbal tirades Dorinda launches at her stable of prostitutes are some of the most deliciously profane moments ever committed to celluloid, so, like peanut butter and chocolate, it was only a matter of time before someone brought Truck and Trek together. In this case, snippets of Nichols’ Truck Turner dialogue are synched with clips of the cartoon Lt. Uhura from Star Trek: The Animated Series and, needless to say, the results aremore than a little NSFW:
So far, everything I’ve seen of the new J.J. Abrams-helmed Star Trek looks really good, but there are legions of Star Trek devotees who are a lot more zealous about these matters than I am.
The new cast may have a tough hill to climb bringing in new fans to the franchise, while pleasing the vast army of long-time Trekkers, but I think they just might pull it off. So, best of luck to Zoe Saldana, Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, and Karl Urban and the rest of the crew…”Now get out there and make it look good!”
I’ve been in Houston, TX the past few days for my brother’s 40th birthday bash and Mother’s Day. (I’m still there as a matter of fact.) My family had a great time bowling, touring Johnson Space Center, and just hanging out. My brother loved the birthday present I got for him, but that will be the subject for another post.
I also got to handle a 7 ft. albino Burmese python named Janeane, whose owner let me borrow her copy of the original, vinyl, double-album soundtrack for the movie Shaft. Heck, except for the slit cut open to remove the albums, the thing was still in its original cellophane wrapper! But that too will be the subject for another post.
Be sure to come back tomorrow, for the next episode of WORLD OF HURT:The Thrill-Seekers. Now that a simple missing persons case has turned into a murder investigation, Pastor puts some pieces on the board and calls in a favor before he starts the work of finding Alicia Patterson’s killer.
Two new t-shirts have been added to the WORLD OF HURT Online Store. Both shirts feature the above sports-themed image on the front and the WORLD OF HURT logo in black and red on back. You’ll look like a Major League badass at the ballgame, the park or while working out in these cool, white cotton tees.
Thanks to the magic of the world’s #1 social networking site and the nonstop promotional hustle of my ardent supporters, particularly Guess Who? and The Pirate Musketeer, in one short month of operation, WORLD OF HURT has developed a truly international outreach. I would like to take this time to welcome my readers in the United Kingdom (Good afternoon), Sweden (God dag), Germany (Guten tag), and the Independent Republic of South Carolina (Wh’sup) who have joined the WORLD OF HURT Fan Club on Facebook. Keep spreading the word and we’ll bring the world together one old-school ass whuppin’ at a time. If I mangled your native tongue or if I missed any nations, just drop me a line and I’ll gladly give you a shout out.
Now what better way to celebrate our newly formed brotherhood of international players than with the instrumental version of ”International Player’s Anthem?” The 2006 hit by underground hip-hop phenoms, UGK, featuring an appearance by Outkast, incorporates an extensive sample from Willie Hutch’s song “I Choose You” from the soundtrack of the seminal 1973 Blaxploitation film, The Mack.
Enjoy:
Thanks for choosing to stop by. Again, I genuinely appreciate your support and enthusiasm.
Remember, I have a new strip every Wednesday and update my blog every Friday.
Frequent commenter, Rodney Blackwell aka “Rodbuddah,” just posted a review of WORLD OF HURT on his website, Planetgriffin.blogspot.com.
My first review.
…
I HAVE ARRIVED!
Make sure y’all check out Planet Griffin, and not just for the great review of “The Internet’s #1 Blaxploitation Webcomic.”
So what’s Planet Griffin like, you ask? Is it any good?
“Is it any good?” Is an elephant heavy? Is pig pork? Of course it’s good!
Rodbuddah really holds it down for the old school and genre movies and comics over there. His site was the first place I saw the teaser poster from Stallone’s new movie, The Expendables (which every action fan should be highly, highly anticipating), but I most enjoyed Rodbuddah’s post on “The Next 100.” It’s a really nice wake up call for the comic book industry and a solid manifesto for aspiring cartoonists out there. It also nicely encapsulates why WORLD OF HURT is here in the first place.
I’ll see you all tomorrow with the next installment of The Thrill-Seekers.
Welcome to the first, in what will become a recurring segment of WORLDOFHURTONLINE.COM, The Unsung Badmother******* Awards!
The Unsung Badmotherf****** Award recognizes Outstanding Achievements In The Field of Badassery Deserving Wider Recognition. The Unsung Badmother****** is the guy who made a splash and kicked some ass, but remains largely forgotten by the masses.
The UBMF Award is named after the oft-quoted moment in the “Theme from Shaft” when Isaac Hayes is abruptly interrupted by his backup singers before he can fully extol the badass virtues of his man, Shaft. If people remember nothing else about the movie “Shaft,” or Blaxploitation in general, they remember that line, and it immortalized Hayes and made John Shaft a cinematic icon.
Now, without further ado, I am proud to announce that the first recipient of the coveted Unsung BadMother****** Award is none other than…Avery Brooks as Hawk! Take a bow, Mr. Brooks.
Um…actually, you don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do. We still cool?
Cool.
Anyway, for those who may not know, Hawk debuted as a literary character in 1976 in “Promised Land,” one of the series of detective novels in the “Spenser” series written by Robert B. Parker. Spenser, a tough, but smart, Boston private investigator, described Hawk thusly in his first appearance:
Shepard appeared from the door past the stairs. With him was a tall black man with a bald head and high cheekbones. He had on a powder blue leisure suit and a pink silk shirt with a big collar. The shirt was unbuttoned to the waist and the chest and stomach that showed were as hard and unadorned as ebony. He took a pair of wraparound sunglasses from the breast pocket of the jacket and as he put them on, he stared at me over their rims until very slowly the lenses covered his eyes and he stared at me through them.
I looked back. ”Hawk,” I said.
“Spenser.”
That ensemble sounds atrocious, even by 1976 standards, but only “the toughest muscleman Boston’s big boys could hire” could pull off a pink and powder-blue outfit and STILL seem dangerous. As the above pull quote from the back cover of the novel indicates, Hawk worked as a freelance enforcer for the mob, but he had a history with Spenser, and would often come over to the side of the angels to assist the private detective.
In 1985, the television network, ABC, brought the “Spenser” novels from the page to the small screen with the series, Spenser: For Hire, with Robert Urich as Spenser and Avery Brooks as Hawk, with a markedly improved sense of fashion. In Brooks’ depiction of Hawk, he maintained the clean-shaven dome, but he paired it with a goatee, which gave him a sense of devilish menace. Hawk rocked the Big, Bald, Black Man With A Goatee look long before it became fashionable. I started shaving my head in ‘91 and I still remember getting strange looks when I walked into Frisch’s Big Boy Restaurant in Fairborn, Ohio. Now the BBBMWAG look is the default style for every Black tough guy in fiction, particularly comic books. Heck, even Luke Cage ditched his signature Afro for a BBBMWAG.
Avery Brooks completely inhabited the role of Hawk. The man has presence. He controlled the screen, and politely, but forcefully, walked off with every scene he was in. If you YouTube Spenser: For Hire, you’ll find a series of clips dedicated to the best moments from the show. Every single one of them has Hawk. Every.single.one.
Brooks' Hawk and Robert Urich as Spenser
Hawk was a man of few words, and Brooks’ delivery of those lines with his precise diction wrapped in a thundering baritone, sold the intensity and conviction behind everything Hawk had to say. The only thing that boomed louder than Hawk’s voice was the long-barreled .357 Colt Python that Hawk carried with him everywhere he went. Hawk also was a master of “The Batman Grin.”
The Last Thing You'll Ever See
“The Batman Grin” is that brief flash of a smile displayed by an otherwise stoic character that lets his opponent know he is absolutely and irrevocably fucked. Hawk was a predator, and his smile was rarely a sign of mirth. He was baring his teeth.
In 1989, ABC spun Hawk into his own series entitled A Man Called Hawk. It fit the “One Man With A Mysterious Past and Even More Mysterious Connections, Out For Justice,” theme that I loved so well in my youth. Some of my favorite shows from the 1980s, like The Equalizer, Airwolf and Street Hawk (No relation, but YEAH, I SAID STREET HAWK!) carried this theme, and I obviously revisited it with WORLD OF HURT.
A Man Called Hawk relocated the character from Boston to Washington, D.C.. With the move, Hawk’s fashion sense became a little less “wiseguy legbreaker” and more urban as he transitioned from sharkskin three-piece suits and skinny ties to patterned kufi hats and leather pants. Although Hawk still worked as a bodyguard from time to time, he mostly left the mob contracts behind to focus on helping the little guy. Hawk also developed a slightly philosophical edge as evidenced by circuituous, metaphysical conversations with his new confidante “Old Man” played by Shaft and Shaft’s Big Score alum, Moses Gunn.
The series began as a midseason replacement and only lasted 13 episodes, partly because ABC scheduled A Man Called Hawk on Thursdays opposite the unstoppable juggernaut that was The Cosby Show. Nobody, not even Hawk, could withstand The Coz. Hawk’s brief time on the TV landscape is kind of sad, because how many dramatic series featuring a Black male lead can you name in the history of television? I’ll give you a minute…
OK, I got the Kojak reboot with Ving Rhames and Day Break with Taye Diggs. Anything else?
However, TV Onehas snagged the rights to re-air A Man Called Hawk, and on a good day you can catch a Hawk mini-marathon , so make sure to set your DVRs.
Fortunately, Avery Brooks returned to television in 1993 as Commander – later Captain - Benjamin Sisko in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Deep Space Nine featured an insane, only-in-science-fiction concept about a planet full of White folks who viewed a Black man as a savior, sent to restore hope and to deliver them from darkness and fear. They believed his destiny was to return their people to greatness after years spent under the rule of an oppressive, secretive regime.
